I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
