omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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