Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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