Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
