Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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