shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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