I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
