Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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