What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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