Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
