I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Acid is not a monday night drug
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize