I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
false alarm. still invincible.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize