Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
