Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
