Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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