So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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