please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
