am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
