My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize