So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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