oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
