Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize