I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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