I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
