there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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