perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
