I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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