im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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