I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He shit in the fireplace
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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