My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
