this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it because I queefed?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
