dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm bleeding and have questions
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
