No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
