i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
