And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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