ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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