Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
