I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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