Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
