Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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