Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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