Soap is not a condiment
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
