bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Girls should come with a carfax report
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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