its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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