12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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