I wish i was in the wii world.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
