bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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