I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize