the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize