it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
