I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
