is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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