last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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