i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
