my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
