How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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