So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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