WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
