So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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