I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
