I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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