Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize