dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
